sorry you're not a winner

WHO'S INSIDE (spoiler: everyone)

and so here it is again! giveaway day GIVE-A-DAY i always use that one but it never sticks. "stop trying to make give-a-day happen". back on track, this is where i take some time out to say thank you so much for continuing to support this blog. i hit 5000 views the other day and 6000 is already creeping up which, in three months, is unbelievable. i love each and every one of you who has clicked a link, "liked" something, shared a post or, better yet, commented on anything. this is for you.

everyone scream in our town of halloween

that cape did me well

okay it's not halloween but i'm revealing the winners of the giveaway tomorrow so we're having a pre-halloween party (pralloween?) right now because i just won't have time otherwise. using the term "party" very loosely because really it's just a string of a bad decisions i've made in relation to dressing up for work tomorrow. bear in mind i will be around plenty of 0-4 year olds who, last year, did not react well to my all too real portrayal of count dracula. white face and cape in tow. sorry little ones.

i've given up just looking into windows

an indication it'll be a poor post 

it's happened again. i've made my lime squash that smidgen too strong and it's giving me a right bastard of a headache. i'm also hoping that by writing about the immediate things that are happening, it'll instil some kind of inspiration to write a wonderful blog post but after opening up to you guys far too much over the past few days, i'm running on empty: emotionally, physically and economically. maybe another post of lists because that was easy to do and well received last time, right? RIGHT. screw you guys, i'm going home.

give me therapy i'm a walking travesty

childishness and joy

what can i say about today? i'm fast running out of fun things to talk about on this blog and it's becoming very ego-centric. i don't have much else going on for me except managing my own unruly emotions and trying to find too many silver linings. but a colleague bought me some stamps today just because which was adorable and also it's been a while since i posted a song but i've been saving this little gem for a rainy day. it might not be rainy but fuck it i'm posting this all the same just because it's a special kind of amazing. 

at worst i feel bad for a while but then i just smile

that's more like it

after all of my emotional distress recently, i think it's time we took things back to basics here on the blog. we've spoken lots about being sad and accepting that it's okay to feel like that. we've also looked at the little things you can do to be that little more positive. but we've not really looked at the really fucking silly things which can purely and simply re-instil a smile back on your face. and so tonight i think it's important to take a step back and just have a laugh because, after all (don't we know it) you're dead a long time.

you can stand right there if you want but i'm going on

and i mean every word

i just want to take this moment to thank each and every single one of you. yesterday's blog took a lot of balls for me to post and all the anxiety melted away the second it went live. over 400 of you (WHAT) have read that depressing essay (depressay? that might just be my best) and offered up even more words of support and love. some of you have spoken out about your own experiences, some have told me it gets better and some have silently appreciated it. it doesn't matter what was said or done, i'm just glad it was so well received. a heartfelt thank you. 

it's okay not to be okay

genuine warning: this particular blog isn't your regular tongue-in-cheek saturday lol-fest that you've come to expect. things have happened over the past few days (/months) which have instilled me with a sense of pride and confidence and, because of that, today's post won't riddled with rude words and irreverent comedy. instead, it's an all too realistic look back at why this blog is the way it is. it's what i've wanted to say for so long but haven't had the courage to. it's the honest truth.

a little loving like valium

zooey deschanel and tyler oakley

did you know that a group of toads is called a "knot"? now that i've got your attention, we can talk about something more interesting like flowers or music. either way, it's late again (sorry) and i'm really fucking chuffed this week is finally over. granted, i've not been paid yet so my outgoings will have to worry me for another week but i feel genuinely excited that tomorrow is saturday. and you know what? today wasn't actually that bad at all.

you lit the fire glowing in me

what a card though

frankly, after the day i've had, i would rather shit in my hands and clap than talk about anything of substance. it's done nothing but fuel my already warped perception of the human race and, although i try to seek out the few diamonds in the rough, truth be told there is a lot of rough to trawl through. but let's not give life's bitches our time of day. let's take some time to remember that something good does happen every day and (again, because of this uninspired mess of words) that might cheer us up.

too much of nothing is just as tough

my current spirit animal

i don't beat around the bush here at "oh, mitch please!" and after a few days of some solid content, it's come to light that i don't really know what to write about tonight. i'm home from work late after a lovely evening with some friends and, to be frank, i'm fucking knackered. ever get those days where you just can't even begin to fathom doing anything constructive at all? well today wasn't one of those at all but this last hour is sit back, relax and enjoy the "show". sorry in advance for everything you're about to read.

& i know it's gunna be a lovely day

these cost £2.20, thanks ebay

spread the word: today was a good day! aside from my imaginary ovaries aching in some kind of sympathy period pain for one of the babes i work with, it was actually alright. i got shit done, i was in good spirits and i've come home to new shoes so what more could i need? me me me that's enough of that. it got me (sorry) thinking about the bigger picture and in particular other people who are going through all kind of madness and still maintain a positive frame of mind.

all the things i could do if i had a little money

bare paperz fam

they tell you money can't buy you happiness. i'm trying really bloody hard to be positive recently but if nothing else, i pride myself on being realistic. and so, it's with a heavy heart that i tell you money probably can buy you happiness. well, it can to an extent. it can buy you fucking loads of stuff that could add up to your happiness. yes, i know, you need to be happy in yourself for those things to work but i'm pretty sure that loads of surgery and a puppy would send me over the moon right about now.

don't say that this is what it feels like to give your heart away

what a pick me up THX xo

it's just after 4pm and i'm "proud" to say that i have only just slithered from my bed to embrace today. after waking up intermittently from 4am until 9am, i figured the world owed me a lie in. and so here i am, overslept and underpaid, but staring at a blog view of OVER FOUR THOUSAND VIEWS. if i was able to emote, i'd cry. a beautifully justified thought hit me: it's been a fucking long time since i decided to give you guys free things so shall we have another bash at that then seeing as you're all so lovely.

you're sweet like chocolate, you bring me so much joy

is buying yourself flowers so bad?

tip of the day: if you don't like crowded spaces or lots of people, don't go to an enclosed shopping centre on a saturday. it was chaos but luckily i had my favourite little angel alongside me to ferry past the reams of OAPs and fat families with no sense of urgency. it's no secret that these past few days have been monumentally shit so what better to cheer me up than an impromptu shopping spree with the face of the rather splendid "lions, tigers and beauty", our very own alice thomas, a god(dess) amongst (wo)men. 

and since we found out anything could happen

what went wrong?

do you ever get those days riddled with hindsight and sheer fear of the future? days where you remember what life was before you turned into an adult and did adult things like work for a living and have responsibilities and worry about phone bills and have little free time to wipe your own arse? after a frantic week, today has turned out to be one of those days. it's the quiet comedown from my stressful high and i hate every second of it. well not every second.

these are a few of my favourite things

this is getting ridiculous now

as if yesterday's post wasn't enough evidence that i need to stop buying so many things, five more parcels arrived today HOORAY! these had been bought a few weeks apart and were from all over the world (i.e china and england) but i had forgotten about a few of them which means, as i said yesterday, they were basically free and very lovely surprises. maybe me talking about the shit that i've purchased is wearing thin but i've got nothing else jolly to mention today so let's take what we can and run, capiche?

it's my dick in a box

oh god what's inside?!?!

okay it's not really my dick in a box but i pride myself on having a lyrically relevant title that relates to that day's content and finding a decent song about parcels, packages or deliveries is hard work and, frankly, after a long ass day it's not the kind of thing i'm too worried about doing. but yes, you've guessed it (/i revealed it) - i got a parcel today and that's basically a good enough reason to write a blog is it not? it'll be really quick i promise. short and sweet, just like me "LOL JK" i'm awkward and bitter whoops.

today is where your book begins

let's do this

i'm keen to get in and get out tonight just because i've spent all day flapping over everything and don't want this blog to become a flappy place. we're looking at dedication, motivation and direction today: three things which i'm certainly lacking in. i don't have a quick fix (does anybody?) but there's one thing which i'm more than determined to try again and that is "nanowrimo". never heard of it? don't worry, neither had i until a year ago and look at us now.

this must be a spell that i'm under

monday morning if it had a face

it's a late one today and for that i am sorry. there's been a lot happening today: i worked an early shift (fatal when you live so far from your place of work, transported there by staggeringly long bus journeys and uphill struggles through the centre of town), was given a vip tour of a friend's house, went to sort my head out and then went to a gig. there are lots of ingredients for happiness so let's cut out the middle man and talk about the nice things, okay? sounds good to me too.

pick my petals off and make my heart explode

little bear helping me write

do you know what? today's been okay by all accounts. i woke up in a stinker of a mood and mentally prepped myself for a day of frustration and anxiety but instead, it's turned into the utmost productive and simultaneously relaxed day in a while. my "good" mood might be short lived but at least it's been lived in at all thus i'm taking this happiness and running with it so i can write you something that won't make you want to go bridge jumping as much as my past few slithers of fury. 

leave me alone i'm lonely

let's be social, okay? 

apparently humans are social animals. they thrive in social situations and a lot of their happiness is centred around this (i should probably say "we" not them, i'm still a human just about). you mightn't think it but i'm not very social. i cope alright in familiar scenarios but being switched on all the time is bloody draining and i like nothing better than sitting by myself after a long day, blogging about what i've bought before having a bath and reading a book. i'm beginning to understand why i'm 23 and single.

with nothing but your t-shirt on

we did it all! (stolen from k. wright) 

so these past few days have been emo central but i'm more than determined to find something positive in the mess that is my life right now. today, instead of doing my usual "god things are dire" piece, i decided to sort some fun and lovely things to do. namely, shop and eat which, as you'll know, are two of my favourite things of all time. i'm here today to tell you all about t-shirts and burgers and i don't know about you but that sounds like an ideal friday night to me.

hold onto anything just so you don't crash

down but not out yet 

there comes a time when it dawns on you just how much progress you've made and everything you're working towards feels that much closer. it'd fill me with a lifetime of happiness to tell you today is that day but it feels quite the opposite. it's a benchmark that i don't want to reach again: a step backwards to a new low. but this whole blog, every crude word and badly edited picture of it, is meant to be working towards something positive. so let's take a look at where do we go from here (#imogen heap)

cuz here's in the dark there's nothing to say

sneaky little sea monkeys

i would love to turn around and tell you all that today finally broke the string of awfully shit days but it hasn't. in fact, it's maybe added an awkward knot to the string and kept on going, leading onto what will probably be a wanky day tomorrow. some shit is relentless like crippling insecurity and a staggering lack of direction but some things are more opportunistic like bad weather and moronic people. but just when i thought i was running out of energy (who am i kidding? that went a while ago, i've been running on reserves for the past 160 months) i remembered: my jar.

born with a void heart to destroy

wedding flowers because sadness

i have absolutely no desire to blog anything even relatively positive today but i'm going to try my best to throw something together that is vaguely readable. i promise nothing though: today has been such a struggle that the second i came home, i poured myself a mixing bowl full of three different cereals. maybe my only good decision of the day but it was a solid 8/10 until i end up shitting myself later. i'll cross that bridge when i come to it. for now, i'll just listen to katy perry and hope happiness falls into place.

all i want is something new

this is neither new nor relevant 

"try new things" they say "it'll do you good". tell me that again when a) i'm vomiting back up those oysters or b) soothing my itchy arse after test driving a new shaving cream and i swear to god i'll bite. but sometimes, trying new things really is good. just pick your battles because there's a lot of shit that might not necessarily be out to get you but it's sure as shit waiting in the wings, hoping you'll be allergic to it. the world is a cruel mistress but try some lactose free frozen yoghurt before you pop your clogs, it'll do you good.

it's like you're my mirror

(Y) ouch this is worse than it looks

IT'S THE DAY OF REST so i decided to coerce my friend into driving through miles of traffic and take us to ikea (again) on the busiest sales day it's ever seen. what a palava. after that, i thought it'd be good to do some more "heavy" DIY and, after slicing my thumb open, continue to add more stress mess to my room just because. pay day has come and gone thus so too has my will to go on living. i need new things to keep me happy and busy (what a horrible attitude) so you can take your day of rest and... enjoy it!!!!!

but don't deny the animal

cosmic tape. how 2014 

the illness has started to wane a little today but so too has the faux happiness that came alongside the exhaustion. i couldn't sleep last night so at about 3am i was merrily jotting down all the productive things i could do over the course of my weekend. to be fair, i did sort a lot of odds and sods today and wrote an overdue letter to a far away friend (hannah, be excited) but i did something which nobody will find surprising and everyone will love which got me a trifle distracted. are you ready for this? are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

and this house just ain't no home

WHAT WILL THIS BECOME?

what with my mood plummeting after a second day of sickness and my overdue (now impending) meltdown on the horizon, i thought it best to get off of my pathetic ass (again, metaphorical not literal. well i am a slim white man so literally too fyi) and try to do something. here's some advice: if you're still really ill, don't try to do anything. it's really awful and can make you feel impossibly worse. take heed of my ellie goulding bicep tattoo: "every fire is a lesson learned" and BOY do i have some internal burns from an ikea trip with mon pere (no hard feelings gary)

i'm so sick (of love songs)

nectar of the gods

huge apologies for the mess that this blog post will inevitably turn out to be. i felt a bit funny last night and woke up this morning (sporadically circa 2am) feeling like i was dying: i missed work and have lost a lot of sweat over the course of the day. truth be told, if i wasn't already running out of post ideas, i am void of inspiration and positivity today. it'll be a short, sharp shock of an entry but that's okay. saves us from delving too deep (go and watch not too deep with grace helbig, it's a laugh) 

if it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad?

50% sat fat NO REGRETS

if today was a person, i would punch them right in the gooch. now that we've got the negativity out of the way, what the fuck can i talk about? i'm struggling for ideas recently and would love some feedback. maybe i'll make a poll or a quiz? something alone those lines? would you guys be into that? can i ask any more questions here? is it likely that you'd reply? is it socially/dietarily acceptable that i've eaten a whole packet of biscuits in one sitting today? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE?