give me everything tonight

attempting to make myself presentable

(forewarning: i am writing the start/majority of this blog a day early because it's my christmas meal/party tonight and i know that i'll be home late/in a rush and won't have time to give you the quality you all deserve so there'll be a few tweaks and such maybe later/tomorrow depending on the shitstate i come home in) HI it's my christmas party tonight and i'm getting dressed up all smart to go and drink fuck tonnes of wine which is exciting and terrifying in equal measure. 

santa claus is coming to town

all day every fucking day

we had a visit from the one and only santa today! well, not the same one as yesterday but a very impressive santa all the same. also, it's one week until christmas which has me terrified because i thought i'd finished all my shopping until i forced myself to wrap stuff the other day and realised i had a lot left to get. but that's life. so instead of buying things on my lunch, i sat alone in a muddy garden and ate a chocolate bar which was out of this fucking world just fyi. then i went shopping later.

just let me in

real photo of her mum in bath

i've written and deleted this introductory paragraph about 18 times. originally, it was about christmas stuff. then it was a big moan about me feeling emo every weekend. after that, it was a look at my delivery from bear hug and then it was back to my bitter rant about adult life making me tired and poor all the time. but instead of all of that, i've realised that i never did finish up my affectionate look at the musical stylings of gabrielle aplin. so let's have a look at her "home" EP and talk about why it's so good, okay?

or am i just hungover you?

these are some of my mates

as you'll know from reading yesterday's scatty post, it was my friend's 30th birthday and i turned up in an outfit that spanned several eras, none of them compliant with the dress theme. all the same, i battled through my social anxiety (no thanks to my doctor who refused to prescribe me any more meds IT'S CHRISTMAS AND I DON'T WANT TO FEEL PANICKED) and danced to rock and roll in a bar full of people, 15% of whom i knew. and you know what? it was really good.

just wasting my words on everyone else

NOT TOO DEEP

FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY is this real life? i can't tell. the headache is going and my vision is slowly returning but i don't know what's real anymore. feel like i've been on a weird acid trip (I) DON'T DO DRUGS KIDS. it's been a funny few days and i'm not entirely sure but i think i'm glad they're over. it's officially the weekend now so let's sit back, relax and talk about silly things - we'll save the heavy stuff for a sunday night/midweek afternoon.

we are the sparks that never fade

maybe i do like girls after all

there's some things in life you've got to laugh at otherwise you'd cry. the sort of things like how tragically sly and petty some people are; poorly made decisions which a child could've judged better; the daily happenings in the life of a depressed, borderline ocd riddled bipolar 23 year old gay man. to tune it all out, there's always music. so today, after a never-ending shift, i ended up falling asleep on the bus and taking a great big fucking tour around bristol subconsciously listening to, yes you guessed it, gabrielle aplin.

you got me so wrapped up

some serious mercy killing here

it shouldn't come as any shock to you that i'm ill again. i mean i've had about 3 days of good health so it's only right that i'm back in bed, shivering my way through episodes of "you deserve a drink". this is what i get for attempting to escape my house and actually socialise with people. but what do you when you're ill? rhetorical question alert that's right, play amazing games, eat chewits and watch shite films. so today's joy has come from far cry 3 and GOJIRA godzilla!

we're too blind to see what's really here in front of our eyes

i think this is in bath! 

TGIF!!!!!!!! i've been back in work for a mere two days but it feels like i've been there an eternity and so i'm writing to you from the confines of my bed, lucozade and sick bucket at the ready. what a weekend this'll be. as we all know, music is a great escape. and there's one little lady who holds a special place in my heart forever and always and that's miss gabrielle aplin. yeah, she sung that john lewis song once upon a meadow but she did bloody loads before that. get ready for this new series.

i (don't) like mondays

serious bonding with diego

it may be the first day of the working week but my "monday blues monday poos" were nowhere to be seen because I'VE GOT THREE DAYS OFF THIS WEEK. sorry guys but it turns out that having a breakdown and forgetting about your annual holiday until the end of the year means lots of impromptu long weekends that can be spent doing lots of lovely things. so i started as i mean to go on and did a few nice things which i'm going to tell you about. i hope your mondays were alright though. 

darling it's better down where it's wetter

sebastian, is that you?

i booked some days off of work because it was all getting a bit much and i needed some time to chill (and sort my life out/write a book but they can wait) so today i went to the aquarium with the tiny little slice of joy that is lions, tigers & beauty. we'd never been before and, seeing as it WAS SITTING ON OUR DOORSTEP - i hate that phrase - was so close and we had a rare free saturday together, we figured we could go shark spotting and octopus ogling.

there's polyphonic voices in my head again

this isn't a dick pic

i was going to title this blog "i saw superman fly away" in honour of old taylor swift and also the fact that i dressed as superman for children in need today. but then i went to a kate boy gig and they blew the fucking roof off so this one is solely for them. i've mentioned them before on the blog and was buzzing for this gig. it cost me £7.50 and in the end, after an indirect tweet, they put me on the guestlist so i sped to the fleece and caught them just in time.

i've got 99 problems but a blog ain't one

BLOGCEPTION

it's so late and i've got so much shit to do it's quite frankly unbelievable. it's also sod's law that i have about 19000 things to blog about tonight when i'm always gasping for ideas otherwise but every section will be brief. i'm talking "a few sentences" brief. maybe i should stick to this mantra from now on to decrease the waffle but if there's anything i've learned from reading other blogs, it's that sometimes waffle is okay. that and pick your moments - there's nothing worse than when a blog ends before it even begins to decribe half of-

i heard you riding with the same tall tale

i designed this IT'S MY BOOK

i've not got much to say today because i've spent my every waking moment desperately trying to make up for lost time by writing thousands of words for my novel. yes i know it sounds might dickish but i feel like i have other words inside of me that aren't useful for this blog. i wrote about nanowrimo a few weeks back and i'm so determined to get something finished come the end of this month, even if it's technically awful. editing comes later. their twitter account even told me "write more shit! clean it up later" and that's what i plan to do. oh, also there's something else.

we never go out of style

consider my hopes raised

i'll hold my hands up and tell you, straight faced, that taylor swift is a guilty pleasure of mine. not so much a guilty pleasure, more a genuine pleasure. she's not one of my ultimate favourites but BUGGER ME that tall cat knows how to write a good pop song. now that she's finally rid herself of the country twang which so obviously held her back, and seeing as she's been a right old knob to spotify, i've just shelled out real life money on her album and i'm going to liveblog my review of it; you're welcome xo

at worst i feel bad for a while but then i just smile

that's more like it

after all of my emotional distress recently, i think it's time we took things back to basics here on the blog. we've spoken lots about being sad and accepting that it's okay to feel like that. we've also looked at the little things you can do to be that little more positive. but we've not really looked at the really fucking silly things which can purely and simply re-instil a smile back on your face. and so tonight i think it's important to take a step back and just have a laugh because, after all (don't we know it) you're dead a long time.

it's my dick in a box

oh god what's inside?!?!

okay it's not really my dick in a box but i pride myself on having a lyrically relevant title that relates to that day's content and finding a decent song about parcels, packages or deliveries is hard work and, frankly, after a long ass day it's not the kind of thing i'm too worried about doing. but yes, you've guessed it (/i revealed it) - i got a parcel today and that's basically a good enough reason to write a blog is it not? it'll be really quick i promise. short and sweet, just like me "LOL JK" i'm awkward and bitter whoops.

pick my petals off and make my heart explode

little bear helping me write

do you know what? today's been okay by all accounts. i woke up in a stinker of a mood and mentally prepped myself for a day of frustration and anxiety but instead, it's turned into the utmost productive and simultaneously relaxed day in a while. my "good" mood might be short lived but at least it's been lived in at all thus i'm taking this happiness and running with it so i can write you something that won't make you want to go bridge jumping as much as my past few slithers of fury. 

with nothing but your t-shirt on

we did it all! (stolen from k. wright) 

so these past few days have been emo central but i'm more than determined to find something positive in the mess that is my life right now. today, instead of doing my usual "god things are dire" piece, i decided to sort some fun and lovely things to do. namely, shop and eat which, as you'll know, are two of my favourite things of all time. i'm here today to tell you all about t-shirts and burgers and i don't know about you but that sounds like an ideal friday night to me.

cuz here's in the dark there's nothing to say

sneaky little sea monkeys

i would love to turn around and tell you all that today finally broke the string of awfully shit days but it hasn't. in fact, it's maybe added an awkward knot to the string and kept on going, leading onto what will probably be a wanky day tomorrow. some shit is relentless like crippling insecurity and a staggering lack of direction but some things are more opportunistic like bad weather and moronic people. but just when i thought i was running out of energy (who am i kidding? that went a while ago, i've been running on reserves for the past 160 months) i remembered: my jar.

i'm so sick (of love songs)

nectar of the gods

huge apologies for the mess that this blog post will inevitably turn out to be. i felt a bit funny last night and woke up this morning (sporadically circa 2am) feeling like i was dying: i missed work and have lost a lot of sweat over the course of the day. truth be told, if i wasn't already running out of post ideas, i am void of inspiration and positivity today. it'll be a short, sharp shock of an entry but that's okay. saves us from delving too deep (go and watch not too deep with grace helbig, it's a laugh)