in the mall thuggin', buggin', spent a few hundred

post sales meltdown SO MUCH CHEEK

silly me thinking that the world would've calmed down after christmas and boxing day. i thought i would brave the outside world and have a quiet, casual look at what deals were on offer in the shops to buy with my christmas money (because i have around 18p in my account so online shopping i.e MY FAVOURITE MIND was out of the question). as it turns out, i ended up cowering in boots' feminine care aisle for fear of being trampled and killed. but that's by the by, i still bought shit of course. 

i can see clearly now the rain has gone

this was on a saturday i think

there's so many songs with saturday in the title/lyrics and that's because, as everyone knows, it's the best day of the week. an above average girl band even named themselves after this fateful lolfest. it's fucking bitter outside and christmas is fast approaching but whilst you're all out buying presents for other people because they're important and you love them, i've taken a break from that and figured i'd buy myself some nice things. rather SPECtacularly, one thing on this list is actually essential so let's raise a glass and read on.

if we're brave enough, we won't save it up for later

this brucey did it

i've eaten a whole cake today. not a little cake either. a 6 serving, 132% of my saturated fat kind of cake. as if i can justify that, i haven't eaten much in the past two days and still feel pretty shit. also, i fancied some cake. so i did it and you know what? i DON'T regret it. but there's only so much happiness that layers upon layers of voluptuous sponge, flawless buttercream and decadent marbled cocoa swirls can bring you. the rest comes down to shopping.

it's the eye of the tiger

teagan would be proud

hey guess what i'm a hippy now. perhaps a sweeping statement but one that introduces a new, fickle and "magical" interest of mine rather splendidly. after my run in with teagan the rune reader and her all too accurate depiction of my life, i've taken her advice and am attempting to "reconnect" with crystals which i used to hoard when i was but a child. somewhere down the line, i'm hoping i either realise a) they're helping and i become a fully fledged psychic like she said i would be or b) i stop wasting my money on heavy stones.

it's my dick in a box

oh god what's inside?!?!

okay it's not really my dick in a box but i pride myself on having a lyrically relevant title that relates to that day's content and finding a decent song about parcels, packages or deliveries is hard work and, frankly, after a long ass day it's not the kind of thing i'm too worried about doing. but yes, you've guessed it (/i revealed it) - i got a parcel today and that's basically a good enough reason to write a blog is it not? it'll be really quick i promise. short and sweet, just like me "LOL JK" i'm awkward and bitter whoops.

but don't deny the animal

cosmic tape. how 2014 

the illness has started to wane a little today but so too has the faux happiness that came alongside the exhaustion. i couldn't sleep last night so at about 3am i was merrily jotting down all the productive things i could do over the course of my weekend. to be fair, i did sort a lot of odds and sods today and wrote an overdue letter to a far away friend (hannah, be excited) but i did something which nobody will find surprising and everyone will love which got me a trifle distracted. are you ready for this? are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

and this house just ain't no home

WHAT WILL THIS BECOME?

what with my mood plummeting after a second day of sickness and my overdue (now impending) meltdown on the horizon, i thought it best to get off of my pathetic ass (again, metaphorical not literal. well i am a slim white man so literally too fyi) and try to do something. here's some advice: if you're still really ill, don't try to do anything. it's really awful and can make you feel impossibly worse. take heed of my ellie goulding bicep tattoo: "every fire is a lesson learned" and BOY do i have some internal burns from an ikea trip with mon pere (no hard feelings gary)

like a candle in the wind

sorry

i spent £55 in primark yesterday WAIT COME BACK and i managed to blag nearly my own body weight in completely inessential inappropriate indecent items. shopping alone is maybe one of my all time favourite things to do. crack on some embarrassing pop, shut out the world and attack those rails like they're going out of style because they probably are.