but don't deny the animal

cosmic tape. how 2014 

the illness has started to wane a little today but so too has the faux happiness that came alongside the exhaustion. i couldn't sleep last night so at about 3am i was merrily jotting down all the productive things i could do over the course of my weekend. to be fair, i did sort a lot of odds and sods today and wrote an overdue letter to a far away friend (hannah, be excited) but i did something which nobody will find surprising and everyone will love which got me a trifle distracted. are you ready for this? are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

now, if you know me, you'll already know i like animals more than people. they're just better than you, sorry. they don't say horrible things about you, they don't act like life is a big competition and what you see is what you get. if they want food and you feed them, they're happy. if they want you to fuck off, they're pissy. simple. we could all do with taking a leaf out of a less intelligent mammal's book.

oh god, here we go again SORRY MUM "what the fuck have you bought?"

dry shampoo means white hair

so i was down at my local (shop, not pub. come on guys) and i had what i needed bar some hamster food. to cut a not so long story not much shorter, i walked past the adoption centre OKAY we're stopping here because that was my first big mistake. don't do it to yourself guys. it's heartbreaking. seeing those rats that are wasting away and the huge handsome rabbits that everyone hates. i might be dead on the inside when it comes to humans but christ alive animals tear me apart.

so, i walked past the adoption centre and, for once, there wasn't an abundance of hamsters. except one lonely cherub. i could see him having a little run around and he looked broken. oh, his little sheet on the side: "hello my name is brian. i'm a roborovski hamster and i need a new home because i'm different to my brothers and sisters so nobody has taken me home yet". that was the closest i've been to tears since about 2007. i physically ran to the awkward looking 17 year old emo adoption pro and asked about our bri. she said there was nothing really wrong with him but he was the runt so all his siblings tried to kill him and he was separated. they got bought but he didn't so they moved him to the adoption corner. brian, your life was over before it had begun.

strawberry house for my little one

enter - uncle mitchy. i bought that little fucker didn't i? he's living underneath our terry at the moment, next door neighbs and loving it. yes, i know, this is hamster number four. but listen, i want a dog or a cat and that ain't happening any time soon so let me live this phase of my life as a crazy rodent man and then when i'm a bit older and a bit more stable i'll get a happy kitten and then an excitable puppy and then, inevitably, a demonic baby.

chubby hand so you can grasp scale

WAIT COME BACK, I NEED YOUR HELP. now, i'm not setting "brian" up for a lifetime of bullying with a shit name like that. sorry to any brian's reading but it's not very exciting is it? so i've shortlisted a few and i really need some feedback. so far, i've got ajax, diego, hardy or kaiser. i am also very much open to other suggestions - the more the merrier - and i'll be announcing his name tomorrow. can't leave him for too long without an identity. he's small enough as it is, he'll probably just disappear otherwise. thanks in advance for all of your help guys, you're the best xo