and this house just ain't no home

WHAT WILL THIS BECOME?

what with my mood plummeting after a second day of sickness and my overdue (now impending) meltdown on the horizon, i thought it best to get off of my pathetic ass (again, metaphorical not literal. well i am a slim white man so literally too fyi) and try to do something. here's some advice: if you're still really ill, don't try to do anything. it's really awful and can make you feel impossibly worse. take heed of my ellie goulding bicep tattoo: "every fire is a lesson learned" and BOY do i have some internal burns from an ikea trip with mon pere (no hard feelings gary)

i am a nester. once i'm settled, that's it, i want to stay there. i hate change and nearly everything affiliated with it. that is until i feel trapped and claustrophobic after being in my sweaty bed for nearly 48 hours. that's not to say i want to up and move house, i just need something fresh to keep me going. i probably mentioned that i rejigged my whole room at unsociable-o'clock recently and ever since i made space for a desk, my teenage dream of owning one has become a vague reality.

"what the fuck have you bought?"

well here's a "how not to build a desk at home when you're fatally ill" step by step DIY guide! 

a desk of course, weren't you paying attention? it came to less than £80 for the lot - all desk components, potted plant (!), laptop tray, cover mat and a separate chest of drawers. not bad in my opinion. my main struggle was soldiering through ikea in a cold sweat, frantically searching for all the pieces of my future favourite thing in the world. pappa cole was racing through that store like the rest of the gays were hot on his heels but it meant things were over quickly.

actually coming together

we took his midlifecrisismobile (a BMW Z4 if that means anything to you because it certainly doesn't to me) and the desk top didn't fit in so it straddled me in the front seat. we got home and instead of having some down time, i decided to get right to it. it took a fucking age to get everything sorted but once i did there was no stopping me. i was a man on a mission and determined to prove the haters (any haters out there?) wrong. an hour or so later, things started to happen and vague shapes were forming.

mitch - 1 homosexuality - 0

heirloom screwdrivers take their toll on moisturised hands and it's safe to say that about half way through i was feeling worse than ever. i would've rather been knee deep in 1 year old's shit than debating finishing this deadly task. regardless, i kept on trucking and finally finished the drawers - listening to stromae got me through it (there'll be a feature on him at the bottom dw). once they were done, it was a case of fixing the two legs to the desk top and then putting it altogether. surprisingly, not that tough. 

how pretty though SUCH PRIDE

quicker than i thought, it was all done. being sort of serious for a second, a genuine wave of accomplishment and pride came over me. okay so i hadn't sawn the wood or varnished it or sanded it or anything else to that extent but i had followed some very simple instructions telling me how to hammer nails into pre-drilled holes and it had resulted in this wonderful creation! big shout out to ikea too: this desk might smell a bit (new wood gets real old real quick WAHEY willy joke) but it's sturdy as hell and looks divine. i wanted one to fill the space in my newly arranged room and also to give me storage but more importantly, to give me somewhere to focus on my writing. maybe this'll be the kick up the arse i need?

so, what have we learnt today? it's that ikea desks are good in terms of value and quality but bad in terms of benefiting ill health. don't try this at home kids, i am fucking broken.

"what the fuck is that song?"

this is stromae. he's a) french b) beautiful c) excellent d) capable of creating perfect music and e) able to dance deceitfully well. i must be late on the euro hype because some of his videos (from last year) already have millions of views. that doesn't matter, maybe he's just standing the test of time for everyone else. "tous les memes" is this weird r'n'b pop electro jazz blitzkreig and, complete with it's gender bending (is that PC nowadays? sorry big bear) video, it's as compelling as it is wonderful. give it a bash, try something new today. is that sainsbury's old motto? or mcdonald's. god i need some sleep xo