i can see clearly now the rain has gone

this was on a saturday i think

there's so many songs with saturday in the title/lyrics and that's because, as everyone knows, it's the best day of the week. an above average girl band even named themselves after this fateful lolfest. it's fucking bitter outside and christmas is fast approaching but whilst you're all out buying presents for other people because they're important and you love them, i've taken a break from that and figured i'd buy myself some nice things. rather SPECtacularly, one thing on this list is actually essential so let's raise a glass and read on.

"what the fuck have you bought?"

here's what could have been

first and foremost, fuck fire. it's a friend's 30th birthday party tonight and it's 1950's fancy dress. i have one opinion on dressing up - go hard or go home. i ordered a sweet ass polka dot shirt with next day delivery which cost more than 60% of the shirt itself and it never turned up. i called river island in a piss and it turns out, not my fault or theirs, there was a fire in a "yodel" warehouse and 5000 people are affected. customers not burn victims, don't worry. no shirt for me. so i've raced to matalan (...) and found an overpriced, unsuitable spotty shirt which i'll cut up and attempt to fashion. fire is really cool but not all of the time. don't play with matches, kids.

smelling like a (gay) man

now that's out of the way, here's something good - smelling nice. whilst balls deep in the darkness of amazon, i decided to buy myself something because #christmascameearly. so i finally snapped up a tiny bottle of moschino forever since i'm still not over that fateful day in boots when it was out of stock for the rest of eternity. turns out, it smells better than i remember and there's a big sense of regret in not buying a huge bottle of this magic juice. it's sweet but masculine, floral but musky. and it lingers like a sunnuvabitch which is good seeing that i think my skin is now immune to diesel scents. 

cheers karl xo

finally, i woke up to an answerphone message from none other than my friends at specsavers. turns out my glasses were ready early so, once the whole river island fiasco had calmed down, i sped over to have a look at my specs. i was heartbroken at shelling out £129 for some tarty sand and metal but the second i put them on, i realised i can never look back. "i know babe, it's like living life in HD" said becky, a little sweetheart at the filton branch. every detail on my life is crisper (except maybe emotionally) and when i take these frames off, i feel like stevie wonder NOT VERY NICE SORRY i'll be rocking these for the rest of my life at this rate but that's okay with me: they look good on my huge face but, more importantly, they finally bestow unto me the fifth sense i've been lacking all these years xo