cuz here's in the dark there's nothing to say

sneaky little sea monkeys

i would love to turn around and tell you all that today finally broke the string of awfully shit days but it hasn't. in fact, it's maybe added an awkward knot to the string and kept on going, leading onto what will probably be a wanky day tomorrow. some shit is relentless like crippling insecurity and a staggering lack of direction but some things are more opportunistic like bad weather and moronic people. but just when i thought i was running out of energy (who am i kidding? that went a while ago, i've been running on reserves for the past 160 months) i remembered: my jar.

as if to add insult to injury, i just opened twitter and read a carol vorderman tweet (she's a babe) but ended up SPOILING THE FINAL OF GBBO FOR MYSELF WHICH WAS THE ONE THING I WAS LIVING FOR. right let's just get this over with. "what the fuck is that like?"

maybe it's not all so bad

as you may or may not know, because i'm emotionally inept, i have a little "jar of goodness" which i fill with daily slithers of paper decorated with a good/nice thing that has happened. it may have been a song i remembered or something someone said, my good deed of the day or even good food. regardless, it's just a little something to tell me that amongst all of the shit happening, there's goodness in there somewhere. 

opening this big jar is bittersweet: it's wonderful that so many good things have happened but i'm disappointed that i've had such a shockingly shit string of days that i've had to break the chain and open it today. that's what it's there for though, eh? let's find some of my favourites in here.

what a day RIP PENNY XO

right well we're off to a flying start. i've remembered my love for about 6 different people which has inclined me to text them just because. there's a mariah carey song which i've listened to on repeat whilst doing all of this. i've decided that you can never have too many candles or homeware so i'll be binging on some of that right now, don't mind me. there's also endless mentions of animals and food which really does highlight what my life is about right now. 

amen past me 

i was hoping for a bit more out of this jar: i realise it's my own creation thus i only have myself to blame but i already knew those things had happened and now they're done. you're right, it's the memories that have been made which is more important, i guess this mood is so very destructive that even the niceties aren't enough. wow, that sounded fucking pathetic sorry. pity party over let's talk about something else. 

just because i don't do enough already: "what the fuck is that song?"

i've not listened to oh land in ages and that's sacrilegious because she's as wonderful and she is weird. her albums always seem to be released around key times in my life and thus have huge sentiments attached to them. rather splendidly, news of another album surfaced yesterday so that's something to look forward to isn't it? "pryomaniac" is this weird brassy, simultaneously silky and sharp pop highlight from her album "wish bone" which you should listen to. the video features her in amazing clothes with grey hair so cue the envy. i'm off to watch the bake off even though no joy will come from it, fucking carol vorderman xo