hold onto anything just so you don't crash

down but not out yet 

there comes a time when it dawns on you just how much progress you've made and everything you're working towards feels that much closer. it'd fill me with a lifetime of happiness to tell you today is that day but it feels quite the opposite. it's a benchmark that i don't want to reach again: a step backwards to a new low. but this whole blog, every crude word and badly edited picture of it, is meant to be working towards something positive. so let's take a look at where do we go from here (#imogen heap)

cuz here's in the dark there's nothing to say

sneaky little sea monkeys

i would love to turn around and tell you all that today finally broke the string of awfully shit days but it hasn't. in fact, it's maybe added an awkward knot to the string and kept on going, leading onto what will probably be a wanky day tomorrow. some shit is relentless like crippling insecurity and a staggering lack of direction but some things are more opportunistic like bad weather and moronic people. but just when i thought i was running out of energy (who am i kidding? that went a while ago, i've been running on reserves for the past 160 months) i remembered: my jar.

because i'm happy

so much happiness/fear

everything is up and down isn't it? life in general, i mean. you've got to learn to take the rough with the smooth. swings and roundabouts. another age old saying about bumps in the road. but it's important to try really hard to find the positives: consciously seek out those silver linings and i promise you'll start to feel better.