if it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad?

50% sat fat NO REGRETS

if today was a person, i would punch them right in the gooch. now that we've got the negativity out of the way, what the fuck can i talk about? i'm struggling for ideas recently and would love some feedback. maybe i'll make a poll or a quiz? something alone those lines? would you guys be into that? can i ask any more questions here? is it likely that you'd reply? is it socially/dietarily acceptable that i've eaten a whole packet of biscuits in one sitting today? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE?

i literally have no direction and, alongside no inclination to write, it's a recipe for disaster but we'll have a bash anyway. can't let the side down, can i?

"what the fuck are you so happy about?" seems to be a good place to start. 

sadly, not a lot today but we'll not take that route. let's have a think about the things that we can always rely on to make us happy and have a lovely old reminisce.

ONE: weirdly, sad songs make me happy. well most music does but ultimately the dulcet tones of (any) emotionally damaged female singer songwriter works best. 

TWO: animals are significantly better than people so today's surprise cuddles from cindy, the secret garden cat, were very much welcome. thanks, boo xo

sorry about my piercing mum x

THREE: writing things works wonders hence this awful attempt at piecing together any rational thoughts. also, as you'll have realised, letters are a favourite thing of mine. giving, receiving (who's that laughing at the back?), planning, writing, decorating, sending. it's all a joy. 

FOUR: having a bath. no i'm not stewing in my own filth. how dirty do you think i am?

FIVE: reading things is a great escape from a bad mood. "what the fuck are you reading?" well i just started "cell" by our own stephen king all about a virus transmitted through mobiles and the listener goes fucking mental and kills everyone. another light read, i'm sure you'll agree. 

SIX: organising stuff. clean space = clean mind. that's what they say. what do you mean "nobody says that"?

SEVEN: remembering the little things like my boss giving me a cuddle because i was tamping all day or my favourite of the nursery mum's talking to me for ages. every cloud.

EIGHT: and last, but certainly not least, i fucking love buying things. online, food, impromptu, birthday - any kind of shopping is good shopping. 

it looks like tonight will consist of ellie goulding, hamsters, writing some overdue letters, having a bath, reading my book, cleaning my room, writing down my "good thing of the day" and some illogical online shopping. i do need a new stamp set after all. in reality, i'll do none of this and just watch sabrina the teenage witch on youtube to remember how easy it was being fat, closeted and ten years old.

but more importantly, what makes you guys happy? we've all got our own perception of happiness as well as our own way to achieve it. if it's something doable, then do it. if it's not something doable, then plan it and find a way around that. being happy is a conscious decision and i'm realising more and more it might just be the reason we're all here. not just "to be" but to be happy. wow, too much for a hump day sorry xo

let's end on something a bit chirpier. "what the fuck is that song?"

this, alongside anything by m people, eurthymics or mariah, warps me straight back to my childhood, "choreographing" a routine to mince in front of my disappointed parents. "i wanna be the only one" is iconic and, rewatching this video, it's clear that the only thing i need to be happy is a salmon pant suit. i owe you a childhood full of thanks girls xo