give me therapy i'm a walking travesty

childishness and joy

what can i say about today? i'm fast running out of fun things to talk about on this blog and it's becoming very ego-centric. i don't have much else going on for me except managing my own unruly emotions and trying to find too many silver linings. but a colleague bought me some stamps today just because which was adorable and also it's been a while since i posted a song but i've been saving this little gem for a rainy day. it might not be rainy but fuck it i'm posting this all the same just because it's a special kind of amazing. 

"what the fuck is that song?"

working in a nursery full of impressionable 3 year old girls means that this song has died a death and, after seeing the film a mere once, i know all the fucking words. regardless, i've heard a lot people smash (demi) and murder (most others) this particular song but this here rendition is basically giving me life every single day. for those that don't know, female singers are sort of my "thang" but ones who can harmonise like sweet, asian angels are another kettle of fish entirely. and so here's "let it go" but like you've never heard it before. the moment at 2:20 makes me feel like i'm going to explode.

you didn't think we were out of the woods yet, did you? "oh fucking hell, it's emo hour" 

after my big reveal, i am more than determined to stay honest and open in this place now. i've come to understand (better yet realise) there's no judgement here - and that's a two way street. i can't thank you all enough for your reams of wonderful support during my emotional "coming out". touch wood (WAHEY) i've had absolutely no negative feedback. some might ask "why would you?" and maybe it's my warped perception of just about everything but i was fully prepped and ready for a backlash of finger pointing and name calling. but nothing of the sort has even been hinted at. and i guess now, looking back at how i was before and seeing the progress i've made along the way, i don't really give a fuck if i do come across some of those cretins. i'm better off finding those silver linings.

i've been attending therapy sessions for a month and a half now but tonight was my last in this string. if you had asked me last week, i would've said i'd learnt next to nothing. maybe it's because i've had a good week or maybe it's because the therapy has finally kicked in (...a little late) but tonight that doesn't feel so true. i've learnt a lot about the way i think and i'm on my way to learning how to separate the rational from the utterly fucking irrational. i'm supposed to confront and question my negative thoughts - something i think we could all do with doing - and in turn, "be happy". easier said than done but we'll have a bash, won't we?

it mightn't be professional protocol but i gave my therapist a cuddle tonight. kanteba, if you're reading this, you saved my life. and i cannot thank you enough. i don't know if it was sheer fluke or the hard work paying off but coming out of this last session tonight - the lights, smiles, world, future - just about everything seemed brighter xo