all the things i could do if i had a little money

bare paperz fam

they tell you money can't buy you happiness. i'm trying really bloody hard to be positive recently but if nothing else, i pride myself on being realistic. and so, it's with a heavy heart that i tell you money probably can buy you happiness. well, it can to an extent. it can buy you fucking loads of stuff that could add up to your happiness. yes, i know, you need to be happy in yourself for those things to work but i'm pretty sure that loads of surgery and a puppy would send me over the moon right about now.

talking about money is all well and good but "what the fuck are you on about?"

a work friend and avid reader of the blog (hello shabs) revealed today that her mum had given her a significant amount of money. how much? well i can't divulge that kind of information. if you were to guesstimate that it was less than £1001 and more than £999, then you'd be warm. she asked what she was supposed to do with it. it got me thinking what the wider "you" (or better yet, i) could do with that money. and thus, today, i give to you mitch cole's guide to:

"ten things you could do with all that fucking money"

1. pay off some debt. boring but beneficial in the long run.

2. buy your own bodyweight in stickers.

every single sheet

3. go on holiday to somewhere like the bahamas or iraq. get a tan. 

4. get that bad-ass eagle tattooed on your neck.

5. donate some to charity. emphasis on some. 

6. withdraw it all in £10s, shower yourself in them and then immediately regret becoming a prick.

7. finally sort your crooked nose out.

8. INVEST IT? CLOTHES!!!?!?

9. buy something expensive and useless like a record player

 or a typewriter then instagram a picture of it.

10. all of the animals. all of them.

so if you ever come into a considerable amount of money, i hope this is your first port of call for inspiration. there's some solid ideas that you definitely won't regret later down the line. you're welcome i guess. 

..."what the fuck is that song?"

well it was a surprise to nobody that calvin and ellie decided to collaborate again after the absolute banger that was "i need your love". it was a surprise to everybody that they sneakily released their new track at 8am today. "outside" isn't a george michael song but it is basically a 2014 version of their original collab mixed with "titanium". seeing as those two songs stood out in a sea of beige EDM tunes, it's also good xo