before it has begun, we've already won

the epitome of my mood today

after news of a miscarriage and the horrific sight of a dying cyclist mown down on my way home from work, it's hard to find the silver linings of today. maybe it's because i'm eternally exhausted but i feel torn apart - sorry that my giveaway day is tainted by such sad news but i pride myself on portraying a realistic persona through social media. my life isn't any better or worse than yours, it's just different and that's what people need to understand. okay, let's combat all this horror with some niceties, eh?

they say home is where you heart is set in stone

hello world/bench

i fucking love bristol. it's a place that everyone should visit and learn to appreciate if you don't already live here. it's a good size, full of personality, busy without being overwhelming and picturesque. of course it, like everywhere else, has its downfalls but if you're smart enough to consciously not piss everyone off around you, you should be alright in the end. i'm a tiny, angry, blatant homosexual and i've drunkenly walked the 7 miles to my house several times and lived to tell the tale. 

sometimes i want some raccoon or red highlights

you've seen this picture already

with a fresh "do" and the urge to experiment with the last remaining few hairs on my head before they all prematurely fall to the ground, i bought bleach yesterday. if you follow my daily happenings you'll know that already so sorry. i'm ready to jump aboard the "grey silver hair" bandwagon because i've not seen many guys rocking that severe look and it's something i've been putting off for ages due to lack of testicles (metaphoric, not realistic. everything's okay down there WOW this got weird quickly)

can call if you want but there's no one home

bristol on a sunday 

i've done it again, left this until the last minute (/nearly two hours too late to be blogging every day but there you go) and i'm in a panicked rush to get any kind of content out to you guys. luckily, i've been a busy bee today what with having to purchase a new hamster prison and visiting my favourite's new flat so i have a few slithers of uninteresting news and poorly edited pictures to share with you. it's technically sunday so sit back, relax and read all about how i'll end up burning all my hair off with chemicals.

it's just too little too late

did this last night NICE ISN'T IT

i've had a fucking busy day and it means that i've only just got home ergo only just got the chance to blog ergo this is probably not published on saturday ergo my "blogging for ___ days straight" chain has been broken ergo i'm sad. it's half past midnight and i'm hoping i can trick my chromebook into thinking i wrote this much earlier than in reality but we'll see where that goes. it's going to be really short tonight because i'm exhausted.

well frankly i'm just disappointed

nearly halloween LET'S EAT

it's getting near the end of the year already so let's start a new thing where we touch on a moral or lesson during the content of every post, okay? heads up, i've said it before, i fall out of love with things very quickly (but not humans sadly MY ACHEY BREAKY HEART) so expect this to last all of a week and then i'll be back to telling you how much i spent in a charity shop. let's not think about the inevitably disappointing future just yet, there's some shit for me to chat and a weird message to think about so let's crack on before we all change our minds. 

i won't let these little things slip out of my mouth

lots of shit stuff, probably some good

i've said it before and i'll say it again. it really is the finer things in life that we should be paying more attention to. the bigger picture is probably fucking dreadful, i'm with you on that one, but the tiny ingredients that add up to the catastrophe are much less daunting when you separate them. this should be applied to everything - it's a great coping mechanism if you're having a shite old day. and today has been one of those shite old days so let's take a look at the little things shall we? maybe there's something lovely in there
 (spoiler: there is)

it starts with a picture and it sits in your frame

statement pink but that's okay

having my picture taken is not my favourite thing in the world. in fact, it's probably near the bottom of "my favourites" list - i know i look bad most of the time, i don't need a photo to immortalise it. but that's not to say i hate photos. i fucking love them. that one tiny image can hold a million memories that come flooding back. sometimes it's heartbreaking (smash cut to me at 3am, stalking my ex boyfriend) but sometimes it's really really lovely. and that's exactly what i aimed for when i bought my polagram box. it arrived today and, honestly, it's made my week already. 

nobody knows but you might make me come alive

terrifying but full of love 

as the blog closes in on 2500 views (wait...what?) and i've written awful things about my life for 50 days straight (again, let's just take a moment) i think it's really important to send out another great fucking big "jesus christ almighty thank you". i started writing because it helped me: it's cathartic in a time when i need a release because my inability to emote is crippling me. now i write because i love it but more importantly, because you read it. so, to show my gratitude, i'm going to give some more shit away. can't say no to free shit can you?

make it strong, shine a light and send it on

a 3 year old took this photo of me

today is a harsh comedown from the delightful wedding and i feel like i've taken one step forward and two steps back. waking up in the dank hotel room this morning, after four words my brother said "are you feeling alright? are you low again or just apathetic?" other people realising i am feeling like shit is not acceptable: i've had 23 years to perfect this brave face. so it's time to think about the things which have made me happy and strive for that again. reflection time kids, buckle up.

who cares baby? i think i wanna marry you

wedding foliage! yes!

i'm writing about something which happened at 4am sunday morning but through the magic of the internet, it's telling me i wrote it at 9am saturday. incorrect. either way, it's been a hectic week off but ended on a high with a frankly fucking fantastic wedding. it was a real challenge to immerse myself in such an unfamiliar social situation (if i had to guesstimate, i'd say i knew about 6% of the people there) but it's important to do things that put your out of your comfort zone. the only way is up.

just as long as i'm the name on your tattooed heart

hummingbird heartbeat 

i'm definitely one to "get back on the horse" and after tuesday's inky savaging of my side, i was keen to get back into the tattoo studio and make sure i wasn't put off. this time, i let jon scar my thigh which is a lot fleshier than my bony hip. also here's a nice picture of the hummingbird which tore me apart so ruthlessly. it's called "valentine" in honour of my dad - we're both very small, hardy, adaptable and deceitfully "strong". cheers gaz, you're the best.

it's a nice place ah shaddap your face

more love for everyone

after a long hard day of writing more letters and finishing off nursery work (during my week off, why do i torture myself?) i thought that dinner with a friend would be lovely. so i raced to a very "boho" part of bristol town, met one of my favourites (hello angel features) and dined with her. the first place was too meaty (careful) and very clammy so we made our way to "rocco's" which i've always seen but never entered. i've never been so happy to enter something in my life. well i have but that's another story (sorry nan)

our love goes on as our hair grows long

SLUT

let's lay down the law early on today guys. my hair is fucking dreadful. it's thinning and receding at an alarming rate, leaving me with a spot prone five-head as the main 'attraction' of my face. i do the best i can with what i've got and so getting a haircut is great big fucking deal for me. i spend hours making my hair look acceptable (you'd be surprised how much worse it looks when it's not done) but it was getting too much to tackle so today was haircut day. oh god.

each time my heart breaks it's like a new tattoo

gotta get down on friday

well it's time for another thrilling installment of "TATTUESDAY" (one of my best puns, you're welcome). today was pretty impromptu, i only finalised things last night but i was as nervous/excited as ever to head down and get permanently scarred in the name of aesthetic catharsis. my regular tattooist was on holiday (hope spain's nice chris, missing you xo) but john, who is equally as wonderful, was in to catch up with me after doing my first tattoo over five years ago. it was lovely to see him but the actual tattooing was another thing altogether.

all i've got are these photographs

i hate pink but i love this 

i meant to blog about this little beauty a while back but i got caught up with giveaways and tattoos and eating cereal alone in bed. for someone who fucking hates having their photo taken, i really like photographs. instagram is a personal favourite app of mine and i think it's really important to document the lovely little things that happen in your life. i'm also a big fan of polaroids (who isn't?) and so, whilst looking for a cheap camera and film, i came across another app which had the potential to change my life.

the best things in life are free

my body is ready

today is the day we've all (...) been waiting for. it's giveaway day! GIVEADAY. nope, doesn't really work sorry. but it really is the day when i round up the names of all of you babes who have spoken to me about basically anything related to "oh, mitch please!" and let the internet decide which diamond i give wonderful things to. if i had it my way, i would give stuff to everyone. but i'm not rich or jesus so two of you will have to do for now. sorry everyone else xo

i wish all those lazy days were everyday

read on to find out what's inside

and here begins my week off of work! by the looks of things, it's set to be a bloody busy one. i've got lots of exciting things in the pipeline and i started as i meant to go on today. it's late and i'm in quite good spirits after a lovely evening so i'm going to tell you all about my day & future week and we can all have a lovely time then come back in seven days to see if i've done nearly as much as i wanted to. deal? let's just agree not to be disappointed when i inevitably end up laying in bed for 5 of my 7 days off. now that's a deal.

gotta get down on friday

my potential friday face

it's the end of the week and that can only mean one thing, right? eat loads of crunchies and cry about being single. if that's not what you're into, maybe hang out with some friends and have a few (hundred) cocktails. if you're poor/off the booze/socially inept/a closeted introvert/a maniac (delete as applicable), here i give you the IDEAL WEEKEND IN. and what a weekend it could turn out to be. it also has every potential to ruin your life and set you back years but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

i put some new shoes on and suddenly everything's right

happy moving out day alice xo

today, i'm not going to talk about how astronomically awful work was. i'm going to focus on the good things because that's what should be important. know what makes a lot of people happy (myself included)? buying things. stupid things. things we'll never need or use or look at again. but having something new to call your own is as exciting as it is affirming. know what else brings joy? music. so let's talk about those two things tonight. it's easy and it's probably boring but forget the haters 'cuz somebody loves ya.

just eat it

it's been a while

after a shite old inset day at work introducing too many new soft approaches to children's conflict, i was wasting away. turns out fury isn't enough nourishment to survive. luckily, i'd organised dinner with a few of my favourites and it couldn't have come at a better time. we struggled to finalise anything (nothing new) but ended up deciding on jamie's italian this very wednesday and it turned out to be the perfect decision. i couldn't get home in time so ended up resorting to a dreaded "wetherspoons poo" before my meal. sorry mum/pride.

i've been around the world and i i i

BY DAY

okay so today's lyric title is a bit misleading but i did go back to bath yesterday and i've travelled around bristol town today so that's basically the world, no? either way, i got off of my self-pitying ass and out of my comfort zone to do things that would hopefully make me happy. and you know what? they did. it's been a bittersweet few days but, if i'm focussing on consciously making the effort to be happier, there are a lot of positives i can blatantly see. join me, won't you?

i'm a grown (wo)man

but what's missing?

today is a big day for me. i've waited many years for this item to fit into the life i lead and it seems that finally, at 23, i've found the courage and confidence to seek one out and purchase it. those who know me well will be accustomed to the fact that whilst i love to dress up nice, i always lack this one staple item. that's down to the fact that none have ever seemed to fit my tiny, childlike frame. but thanks to the gem that is asos.com, i managed to find one. this iconic item which i'm talking about is, of course, a suit jacket.

with friends like these

this is me and rach, she's divine

today is sunday which means it's god's day which means it's the day of rest which means you can get away with doing shag all. and that's exactly what i intended to do. i went out last night with some friends and had a gay old time but cut to a 7am impromptu panic wake up, an 11am formal request to get out of bed and a midday arrival of some family friends. not the kind of sunday i had planned but in the end, it turned out to be a lovely little day.

show me what you got

SKULLS also from japan

it's been a "while" since i bought stupidly pointless things and so talking about that is definitely overdue. ebay has been my friend recently and after years of neglecting it, i'm quite content to be back in the driver's seat of my own bankruptcy. amazon is one thing but the bargains that lie hidden in the dark and dreary depths of ebay are something special and that excitement/crippling fear/life threatening fury when you're bidding on shoes that are too small is wonderful.

RIP to the girl you used to see

before the death LOOK a raspberry

god, what a fucking stinker of a day. work was shit, i had a phonecall that lasted an hour which sapped every ounce of emotion from my hollow shell and joan rivers is still dead. it's not been a great few days but d:ream told me that things can only get better so here's hoping, eh? i don't have much else to talk about without using this post to vent every trickle of fury i have inside of me today so instead we'll talk about dead people because that might make us feel better about life. okay? okay.

what goes around comes around

i bought this tie for my dad today

being nice is nice, isn't it? and it's really important too. there are a lot of absolute cocks in this world, too many some would argue (i would be leading that argument fyi), and it's only fair to level the playing field with just as many sweethearts. i'm lucky (and conscious) enough to have surrounded myself with a bunch of absolute gems; i might not have a lot of friends but the few that i can count on my fingers i would trust with my life. but being a nicer person is hard work when you're naturally inclined to be a bitter old bastard. can i get an amen up in here?

i guess i'll love you forever

giving them another bash

i'm a bit empty today and have little to no inspiration to write a fuck off piece about my tumultuous relationship with life. so, instead, let's just have a listen to a song and talk about that, shall we? that's a good idea, we all love music YES WE DO. i don't pretend to like cool music (i genuinely enjoy stooshe and own too many busted cds for that to be true) but today's artist is on the cusp of something big: she's brutally talented, she's beautiful and she's so fucking cool.

and i am a material girl

send help SOS

why is buying stuff so much fun? whether i'm browsing a local charity shop or savagely searching for a sale top in zara, there's that rush. don't even get me started on internet shopping CHRIST ALIVE that's another kettle of fish. i know some people are savers but really, in the end, it gets spent on a house or a car or a holiday or some surgery. and right now, i am about as far from buying those things as humanly possible so, whilst i'm young and irresponsible, i too often think "oh fuck it, i need another black and white candle holder". 

free yourself, don't let nobody take control

SO TRUE BABE

i'm not on top of the world today but that's okay. you can't expect to be sky high forever - learn to take the rough with the smooth and things will feel a lot more evened out and realistic. i've been overthinking just about every aspect of my life recently (srsly?) and i saw a quote yesterday which made me think even more. i hide people on my facebook who abuse these "inspirational" quotes every day but i've comes to terms with admitting that some of them are genuinely thought provoking.