free yourself, don't let nobody take control

SO TRUE BABE

i'm not on top of the world today but that's okay. you can't expect to be sky high forever - learn to take the rough with the smooth and things will feel a lot more evened out and realistic. i've been overthinking just about every aspect of my life recently (srsly?) and i saw a quote yesterday which made me think even more. i hide people on my facebook who abuse these "inspirational" quotes every day but i've comes to terms with admitting that some of them are genuinely thought provoking.

i've openly written about struggling with how i look every day. and i am 100% positive that nearly every one else is in the same boat: if you're beautiful, you know it and you stay humble, then congratulations. i have a friend who is absolutely stunning and every time i told her, she would say "thanks, i know i look good". i really begrudged her saying that, it was like she was spitting in my open mouth, but as time's passed and i've started to look at the world differently, i've realised maybe there really isn't anything wrong with that response at all.

"what the fuck are you on about?" well unfortunately for you all "oh fucking hell, it's emo hour"

how people look should not reflect them as a human but it's naive and unrealistic to say that's not true to an extent. "shallow" people are just stating what they see - there are different perceptions of beauty but there's an all too universal one. "nobody's ever wanked over a personality" is as crude as it is true and we live in a time where there are hundreds of options to change how you look: clothes, make up, surgery. i don't think the obsession with beauty will ever cease but there are other things to think about when you see someone else.

today, i was racing home from work on the bus and i saw a fat gay man. i don't mean it offensively, it's true. he was fat and he was gay. he was also holding hands with an astonishingly pretty homosexual fellow. the two were like chalk and cheese. this slim guy was head to toe in tight black clothes (well done), his features almost like a painting and his boyfriend/partner/husband/friend/brother (god help us) was not so suave in what looked like a blazer fresh from the 1980s and a pair of potato sack chinos. but that didn't matter. there they were, hand in hand, almost definitely in love, laughing, talking, being considerably happier and less judgemental than i was on that hot, sweaty, lonely bus ride home.

so why does it matter to the rest of us? are we so racked with self-loathing and low confidence that we need to demean and diminish every stranger around us to feel better about ourselves? i, for one, can hold my hands up. i am not a big mitch cole fan at all. far from it. and i know i've been cruel for the benefit of my own self-esteem before and i've no doubt i still do it. it's almost natural now. but all that happens is i end up realising i'm really not that nice a person, and that's not a trait which a single, emotionally crippled, generally "ugly" 23 year old homosexual man needs. so stop being so fucking cruel. even if one person reads this, and it rings true for them too, then my work here is done.


EXCEPT IT'S NOT so "what the fuck are you reading?"

redrum

i'm reading the shining, again because i never finished it, and it's really good and deceitfully meaty and messy and wonderful. dracula, that i paid 1p for, arrived today and i've never read it (but i did a buzzfeed quiz... and it told me that the best literary fiction that reflected my life was bram stoker's classic) so i'm determined to speed through this book and pray my magic box of titles spews out our count.

just because it's overdue "what the fuck is that song?"

and it's "self control" by kate boy which is this fantastic swedish based electro "trio". an electrio if you will. sorry. anyway, this song is the one and i just bought a ticket to see them in november for 10 english pounds which is good considering they're small enough to play an intimate venue but ball-crushingly amazing enough to be better than a £30 gig. here it is in all its live glory.

thanks for listening, maybe tomorrow i'll talk about willies or something.