make it strong, shine a light and send it on

a 3 year old took this photo of me

today is a harsh comedown from the delightful wedding and i feel like i've taken one step forward and two steps back. waking up in the dank hotel room this morning, after four words my brother said "are you feeling alright? are you low again or just apathetic?" other people realising i am feeling like shit is not acceptable: i've had 23 years to perfect this brave face. so it's time to think about the things which have made me happy and strive for that again. reflection time kids, buckle up.

it's not due for a while but "oh fucking hell, it's emo hour" again here at oh, mitch please!

it's not too heavy today, more self-help than anything. sorry, just dragging you wonderful fuckers along for the ride. i've spoken about 'karma' before: not so much the "accepted" notion of it but just doing more good because that's what the world needs. you shouldn't give to receive. doesn't matter if it's money, presents, love or attention, only give something if you want to and feel good about it. i don't want a forced cuddle or a shit present and neither does anybody else.

so i'm trying to look at the good things i've done which have made me feel good. very self-righteous, quite self-absorbed, but i'm almost certain that humans are and i'm just addressing my subconscious more, well, consciously. maybe reading these will inspire you to do something nice. maybe you're a dick. who knows.

1. didn't heckle when the uncle at the wedding warbled on about marriage being a sexual union between a man and a woman only. hard work but i managed it.

you're welcome little champ 

2. encouraged two kids to help me save (another) doormouse from a wayward angry farm cat. who am i, fucking doctor doolittle? but seriously though, this little guy. just look at him! what a solider. he shit a brick but bounced back underground once the threat of a punt from a 7 year old scared the pussy away.

3. wrote lots of letters to people i miss. i didn't necessarily want letters back (...well at least not straight away) just wanted to reach out to the babes that i've neglected because of my manic existence.

4. finished my book. i guess we're due a new "what the fuck are you reading?" but truth be told i've blogged twice today already and i'm about to have a bath so maybe there'll be something tomorrow but it's just as likely there won't be. anyway, "the shining" was astounding: infinitely better than the film (which is real good in its own right), terrifying, riveting and enthralling. for a dated ghost story, it felt eerily relevant and believable. would recommend a hundred times over.

5. braved a brand new social situation tonight and made people laugh. i don't have much going for me really but i thrive on compliments about my sense of humour - it's just about the only thing i'm sure of. maybe it's too cocky to say but i'm actually proud of myself over these past few days, especially with dealing with so many unfamiliar people and not breaking. where's the wine?

hannah you are a dream xo

it's not karma, it really isn't, but i came home to a letter. it was from hannah, one of my bath babes that i used to work with. it wasn't god or the world letting something good happen to me because i'd done something good to start with. it was cause and effect. i wrote her a letter and she wrote me back. but it's good enough: it's going in my "good thing of the day" jar which is getting mega full and i can feel the urge to open it and read some slithers of undiluted joy.

be young, be foolish, be happy. but, more importantly, be good.