i've been around the world and i i i

BY DAY

okay so today's lyric title is a bit misleading but i did go back to bath yesterday and i've travelled around bristol town today so that's basically the world, no? either way, i got off of my self-pitying ass and out of my comfort zone to do things that would hopefully make me happy. and you know what? they did. it's been a bittersweet few days but, if i'm focussing on consciously making the effort to be happier, there are a lot of positives i can blatantly see. join me, won't you?


it's been a while but "what the fuck are you so happy about?"

happy birthday claire! 

yesterday was a friend's birthday and i haven't seen her (or most of my bath based friends) in well over a year, since i graduated and moved back to wonderful and eternally glorious bristol. i had a weird morning that involved a stressful doctor's appointment and lots of delayed trains but i finally started my commute and my anxiety slowly faded away. i ended up being genuinely excited to see my babies after such a long time.

bath was fucking boiling and there were far too many people around; not entirely sure how i forgot about that detail. lots of pretty, rich people crammed into a tiny town. anyway, i made my way to the crescent (ahhhh the memories), batted away my stress and had a perfect catch up with two of my nearest and dearest. it wasn't so much a happy go lucky rendezvous but it was well overdue and very much needed. cut to: getting ready for the night out and i could feel the anxiety creeping back in. lots of awkward social situations and even more strangers.

these are some of my mates

i'd got this far so fuck it. i got ready, manned up and went to the bar. and do you know what? it wasn't actually that bad. there were people there i hadn't seen in far too long, old work colleagues and uni friends, and they were as dreamy as i remember. massive thanks to anyone there who kept me chatting and occupied enough to ignore the dread that came when hundreds of strangers swanned into the tiny beer garden. there was one little man, perhaps the love of my life, who honestly saved me that night. and that was enough reason enough for me to go.

& BY NIGHT

i ran through town for the last train (i do not run so this was harrowing enough) and managed to hop aboard. i am so glad i went. it was stressful, yes, but the good outweighed the bad. it was a lovely night and i was so happy to see how much effort had been made. smiles all 'round. the walk home was perfect, soundtracked (making it a word right now) by ariana grande's stunning new album. give it a bash.


so today, keeping with the "getting out and staying busy" theme, i text my favourite (she talks about lipbalm here so let's not fuck about, eh?) and proposed an impromptu piercing. it went down a storm. we raced to bristol centre, bought things we'll never use, had needles shoved through us and came home again. all in all, a success. and i didn't feel anxious at all. things are looking up. sadly, there's no photo of my piercing because it's the stringy inside my mouth (a "smiley") and nobody needs to see that up close. soz.

this has been very "me me me", sorry about that, but they really have been two lovely days. i like my job but if all my time off is this good then i'm fucking buzzing for next week. expect plans to conquer the world. if you're feeling anxious about something unfamiliar, i urge you to surprise yourself and just go for it. seriously, though. go and do something nice with your evening. you're dead a long time. happy tuesday xo