but i like the way i feel inside

THROWBACK TUESDAY?

talk about a terrible tuesday CHRIST ALIVE i feel like i'm just about ready to tear (what's left of) my hair out. it's been 0% fun and 100% stressful but maybe that's helping to make these nerds taste even sweeter than they already are. i'm just keen to lie down (on a sunbed), have a glass of wine (even though i'm not drinking), watch something light (even though messy horror films are my forte) and have a tiny little, winter warming cuddle (boyfriend applications graciously accepted)

it's got me thinking. "what the fuck are you on about?"

why do we moan so much? what is really accomplished from being mean about somebody behind their back? why is it most people's inclination to find the negatives of a situation so quickly? i feel like all i do is reference mean girls on this blog (you're welcome btw) but that scene where they all close their eyes and raise their hands to admit they've been mean about somebody else and have been hurt when someone's been mean about them- it's very revealing. some decent socio-political references there.

i'll be the first to admit that i've spoken about people behind their backs, of course i have. i think we've all done it one time or another but, as i've grown up a little bit, i've learnt to be a bit less sly. i "like" to think that if i don't really like somebody very much, they know it. that way, i don't have to be in their company a lot. that way, i don't see the things they do that annoy me. that way, they don't irritate me so much. that way, i don't feel the need to shit on them behind their backs. circle of life, no? you can't always escape the fucking morons of the world and that is why we learn to "pick our battles".

emotions get in the way a lot of the time too. whether you're protecting someone's feelings or wearing your heart on your sleeve, it's not really an easy ride. i used to think my dream situation would be that everyone on the planet just lost the ability to emote: there's a fairly odd parents episode where timmy wishes exactly that. but now that i'm trying to be consciously happy and seeking out the things which do stimulate my positive emotions, i'm not so sure. yes, of course the world would be better without sadness, depression, grief, guilt, anxiety, fury, terror, impatience and everything that comes alongside those bad vibes. but what would it be without happiness, joy, excitement, relief, elation and, most importantly, love? let's not dwell.

just be nicer. suck out the poison from your life. don't be a bitch. sure, maybe you need to be blunt to stop being a bitch but at least people know where you stand. stop fucking about. emote more. but positively. hooray for emotions!

"what the fuck is that song?"

HOORAY FOR EMOTIONS. maybe i've done this song before but it's worth another 15 minutes of fame. this is mariah's best song ever. hands down. it was her best era too. the mtv unplugged ep will probably remain the soundtrack to my life. yes. she's shit now. yes, she was the world's best popstar back then. so instead of avoiding it, let's dwell. dwell on her voice, dwell on her sheer talent, dwell on how much better she is than everyone else, even now. dwell on good pop music when good pop music was exactly that - good pop music xo