we are beautiful no matter what they say

can i not?

today my eyebrow exploded. let me explain. i got it pierced a few weeks ago and, whilst it was steadily healing with very few problems. it turns out that daily headbutts don't do it any favours. and children's dirty hands aren't good on open wounds too. who knew? highlighting my battered eye but ignoring my woe, it got me thinking about aesthetics.

how i look is something i've always struggled with. not in a "oh god, i'm so fat but secretly praying people tell me i'm slim" kind of way. quite the opposite. in a really self-loathing, dysmorphic, messed up kind of way. i really hate how i look and, as much as i appreciate/deflect/awkwardly sidestep around people's hollow compliments, they never settle or are allowed to be treated as genuine.

cordially introducing "what the fuck are you on about?"

it upsets me that we live in a time when the internet is so rife with images of the perfect person but someone confessing their insecurities and low self esteem is too often labelled as inappropriate, irrelevant, uncool or attention seeking. these people are seen as pathetic and weak, unable to cope and out to selfishly boost their own ego and draw ever-increasing attention back on themselves, right? wrong.

support them. let them know you're listening and it's okay to feel like shit. everyone feels like shit once in a while. everyone has "ugly days". maybe they're feeling like they are having an ugly month or lifetime? and that's okay too. don't patronise them by telling them they're being stupid. believe me when i say, if they're set in their ways, that hinders more than it helps. tell them something you like about them, something specific and personal to them. then listen. don't talk. let them rant and rave and moan and rage about anything and everything. chances are, once they're done, they'll realise it's really not as bad as it first seems.

i need to practice what i preach. i'm sat here with a swollen, bloody, pussy (puss-y tyvm) half closed eye, a spotty fivehead, beard rash, baggy eyes, thin rooty hair and the beginnings of a monobrow. i'm genuinely anxious about work tomorrow because of how ugly i feel. and that's nothing new. but it's not going to kill me. and kelly clarkson taught me that can only make me stronger (not 100% accurate but a nice sentiment all the same). so i'm shutting the fuck up. i feel ugly a lot of the time. maybe i am. but, then again, maybe i'm not. it's not a case of "you hear something enough times..." for me, it's a case of putting up or shutting up.

but know this. if you feel ugly every day, you're not alone. a lot of people do too they just suffer in silence. call your friend, text your mum, speak to your favourite workmate. try to find a silver lining. so you've got a shit hairline? at least you've got killer legs! if it's too hard to be positive, remember that jessie j also told us: "it's okay not to be okay" and that's dead on the money. everyone has a different perception of beauty and that's what makes it so special. anyway, i bet you're really not as ugly as you feel.

so "what the fuck is that song?"
it's xtina. she got it right so long ago. even with that atrocious nose stud.