nobody loved me like you

thanks mum xo 

well look at that, christmas is over for another year and we're all feeling a bit fatter and probably depressed that our next break is a year away. but we've still got a while until the new year so let's make the most of what we've got. i, for one, had a fucking lovely christmas - spent it, as always, with my family, seeing a few special people amidst my mum's hitler regime for the day. one of those special people is someone you may or may not know so it's time to get everything off my chest before 2015.

"what the fuck are you on about?" and in turn "what the fuck are you so happy about?"

remember a while ago, i blogged about being sent white roses to my house? i said that somebody from "the past" had sent them. well, all of that was 100% factual. like i always say, this blog is a place where i'm cripplingly honest not only with myself, but with you guys too. because of that, i feel like i've been living a lie WOW DRAMATIC over the past few weeks because this little corner of the internet is meant to be an accurate portrayal of my life and there's one great big fucking huge thing which has happened and it's having a positive impact on my life. 

i was talking with my family last night and they asked "are you seeing anyone?" to which i answered "sort of i guess yeah well i think so" and then came a really weird and awkward conversation about what was happening. the black and white of it is - the wonderful asshole that broke my heart got back in touch recently and after talking about our lives for the best part of a month, it's safe to say we're having another go at it. a lot has changed in our lives (you guys read the blog, you know what's gone down) and the truth of the matter is, like selena says, the heart wants what it wants. i might have been broken for a while but i've never stopped loving the bastard and i don't think i ever will. 

making his gracious comeback

there's this horrible sense of impending judgement that has been looming over my head for a really long time. it's awful that i let people's perceptions of me shape how i feel about myself but that's just how the world works for a lot of us. but PROGRESS ALERT i don't give a flying fuck what people think about it this time around!!!! yes, it might sound like we've become the "on/off" couple that we all love to hate but having lived that life, i understand it all the better. and i've never needed a shoulder to cry on - after the arguments and break ups, i just got on with it. i didn't drag people down and i'd like to think i didn't let it affect my life outside of the relationship... well, you know what i mean.

but that's that. maybe i'm an idiot. maybe in six weeks i'll be retracting all of this and telling you how to cope with a breakup. maybe you're more anxious than happy for me. but that's okay. maybe it'll work this time. maybe i should've told people earlier. maybe we're both different people. one thing is for certain - right now, this moment in time, it feels perfect. i'm not single. and i'm in love. what better christmas present could i ask for? here's to 2015, a new start for us all: love really is all you need xo

"what the fuck is that song?"

this. which i've blogged before but it's eternally relevant and upsettingly perfect. indulge xo